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Dear Bettye: I don’t think my                  What I preach is: while we cannot control people, we can
                      husband loves me as much I                     control our reaction to them. Never allow a spiteful remark to
                      love him. I tell him I love him                go unchallenged. Such people are bullies who back down at
                      every day and all he says is                   the first sign of retaliation. All you have to say is, “Do not
                      “Me, too”                                      speak that way to me. If you don’t stop lying about me at once I
                                                                     will start telling the truth about you.”
                      Consider yourself lucky. I
                      have a friend whose                            Dear Bettye: At a party last week we had to listen to someone from
                      husband’s response to her                      New York complain about all things Southern. What can I say next
                      declaration of love is, “Ditto”                time?

Dear Bettye: I am embarrassed because I made a sarcastic remark Say, “In the south, we extend courtesy to everyone, whether
about a politician who turned out to be a relative of one of the peo- they deserve it or not. For instance, no matter how offensive
ple at a meeting. She laughed along with everyone else but I feel I you are, we would never, ever say so.”
should say something or apologize.

There is nothing more to be said that would change anything.         Dear Bette: Ever since President Trump became President people
                                                                     are sharply divided on everything. I hear all sorts of critical things
Who knows, if she joined in the laughter she might share your        about him, but when I attempt to correct people they get boiling
                                                                     mad. What is the best way to handle them?

Dear Bettye: Why do you think so many people ask about their own It has been my experience that politics and politicians cannot

personal affairs?                                                    be discussed rationally.

Because I am free to tell them the truth and they know I will.       Dear Bettye: Do your friends ask you for your opinion? Do they
And, because these days, hardly anyone does.                         follow it?

Dear Bettye: A friend gets furious with everyone if they discuss an  Constantly. They are always sorry if they do not. Then they
issue and their opinion is different from hers. Why?                 find themselves in a bigger problem and the way out is even
                                                                     more difficult. The reason is someone who can be completely
Some people think a differing opinion is a personal attack.          objective can see a situation and the way out of it. The person
Either they are not certain and you are wrong or they are right      with a problem can only be subjective and can’t see anything
or you might be right and they are wrong. Say, “I don’t want to      but the problem.
discuss it with you since you can’t bear to have anyone
disagree with your opinion.”                                         Dear Bettye: I ended a long relationship with a man and it seems
                                                                     that family and friends have little to say about it. I want to talk about
Dear Bettye: My husband and I meet visitors at company parties       it but I get the feeling people don’t want to make any comment at all.
who are from England, France and Germany often and they always
have something critical to say about America. What can I say?        You are right – they don’t. You could begin the relationship
                                                                     again and they are afraid you will resent them and it will
To the English say: “Remember if it wasn’t for the Americans         destroy your relationship with them if they tell you they know
you would not have an England to go home to.” To the French          about him.
say, “Remember if it wasn’t for the Americans you would all be
Sprechen sie Deutch.” To the Germans say, “Remember why
Americans had to fight and win a war in Europe in the first
place? Does the name Adolph Hitler ring a bell?”

Dear Bettye: You write a lot about people being in control of        Send your comments and
situations but what about people wo are hateful and say mean                 questions to:

things? How can we control them?                             

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